put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think I won the penis lottery.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
