Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
