just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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