im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
