you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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