THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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