Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
