Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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