I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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