and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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