i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize