i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
