but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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