As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dick very happy bro
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