got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
