I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
