New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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