I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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