I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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