Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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