I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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