You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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