You're so nebulous sometimes
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
