I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
