There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
