i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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