She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
