The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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