Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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