she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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