Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I could fuck to npr.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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