Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
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I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
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You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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