i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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