We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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