What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
