Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
