That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
