Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
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I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
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We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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