Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
