I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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