remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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