he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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