i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
