Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
well you can't waste a boner
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
