then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
