they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
