If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
