I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
