i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
