guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
