This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
