I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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