I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize