I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
a search helicopter?!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
