I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
