I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
