i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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