i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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