Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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