If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
