chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
