hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
