Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You ever have a fart follow you around?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
