i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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