I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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