Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
