Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
