my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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