I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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