well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
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Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
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If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize