the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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