I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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