Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
