Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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