Michael Bay diarrhea
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
