we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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