My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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